Personal Openness

2020-06-11


 

Are sensitive to color and architectural form.

When I was young, I bought a camera with my first tax return at about 16. I loved walking around and taking pictures of grandiose houses. I didn’t want to own them, I just like originality. Most houses look the same in some parts of Australia; stock blueprints. Unique houses are wonderful.

In my adult life I take landscape photography. I don’t really enjoy photography of people unless they are doing something specific. Such as; I enjoy awkward beauty. It’s hard to describe. A blush from a person is something I find beautiful, their awkwardness and I capture it reflectively if holding a camera. Or someone being totally encapsulated. But I don’t care to take general pictures of just, ‘people doing shit’.

I love trees. I find them amazing. One of my top greatest things I admire… is trees. I find climatologists moronic, and trees the antithesis to the stupidity and have grown to love them more and move over the years. I love Buddha stories, and Alice in Wonderland, whose adventures arguably started under trees. I love tree of life symbols. I love the robin hood type deviant, sitting with their hat over their eyes under a tree sleeping. That iconography draws me in massively. The trees shade specifically I think. I used to climb trees all the time as a kid. All… the… damn… time :).

I appreciate all art, yet I am not swayed by many things.

I adore graffiti. I am pro the argument that graffiti is more art than a lot of what I think is called mainstream post-modernist art.

I love dark colours, and woods. I think mostly you could argue I enjoy things that appear natural, though of course as a tech-head I am surrounded generally by technology. But I love seeing old things around me.

I am generally not one for, ‘stuff’. I don’t have a lot of stuff. I catalogue most things I own so I can re-buy them when I move. I am not really concerned with the acquisition of things, but I am concerned with making things ‘perfect’ in terms of environment. Feng shui I guess. I like when a room ‘feels and looks good’. I am highly selective in decorating. It is somewhat for my benefit, but mostly, it is for the room or houses benefit. I want it to be ‘nice for it,’ and for others to feel good in the environment. I have lived in plenty of rooms bare and barren, and many houses adorned with peoples crap. I don’t mind either way. But if a house feels lost, I will feel the desire to, ‘make it feel good’.

To explain why this stuff is important is because; I dislike most art. If you show me a nice picture, I will say it’s nice, and understand the artist’s intent, but I won’t feel swayed towards it. Appreciating someone else’s style or effort, verses personally liking something, is totally different. I have my preferences. I don’t enjoy art museums really. I adore history museums, which is a totally different form of Art. I don’t enjoy ‘nice things’, I like dirty things.

I lose and break shit all the time, so price means nothing to me. They all generally get lost or broken at some point or another anyway. I will search through garage sales looking for a priceless gem, and have done many, many a time. I am very heavy handed with my possessions, so I try to buy things I feel will sustain my aggression. That similarly goes for partners I chose.

I love what has worth to me, not what has worth to others.

Like to collect things.

When I was a child, I had 84 toy horses. Ranging from very small to quite large. At one point as an adult I had about 300 different types of gemstones. I had about 1500 books, as I ran an online bookshop and collected them all to sell. I collect shit randomly. Collate it. Work out what I think, then move on to a new collecting item, keeping remnant of whatever I decided was, ‘me’ in the prior collecting.

Are affected comparatively deeply by music, often of many genres.

Deeply would be an understatement.

If you see me listening to music, with a lost look in my eye, I will react with extreme volatility if you interact with me whilst I am engaging to a piece of music. I am totally lost within it, thoughts intertwined. I feel pain when I am removed from an experience that I have chosen to be lost in.

For that reason, sometimes my conscious rejects sounds.

Specifically, I reject sounds I think are unwise to connect to. Mainstream media does that to me a lot. I don’t wish to delve into a connection with the sounds, so my Self physically seems to make me feel a huge range of negative experiential variants when connecting to something that is unwise for me. Even when half listening, if what subconsciously I intake my subconscious feels is not useful, I have extreme responses. To give the alternative, I do not have that with people. Even if I dislike a person or find them boring, I am adept at remaining in their company for long periods. I cannot do that with sounds. If I hear something from a device, reporters voices, radio songs, ads on any medium, I instantly feel nauseous. I maybe like 1 in 1000 journalists and media presentations. With mainstream music, I tried really really hard to immerse myself in it. As I understood it was a part of popular culture and I totally removed all association to what I adored to fit in with this reality for as long as I could. I can do it, but I die. I can listen to something I don’t like, but I don’t connect and I die. So a part of me seems to enact now in a preventative methodology to stop myself from ‘trying’ to connect. Ie, I have enough subconscious long term data of what is wrong to now negate it through intuition.

In terms of mainstream media, even if I may agree with a statement at the time, my brain seems to objectively scream internally to turn it off. If I ignore this, the next thing that comes out of the person’s mouth is generally something abhorrently idiotic and I absorbed their level of stupidity. So I tend to avoid, ‘some things’. This is not to say those things do not have merit. Music genres made for temporary consumption, clickbait mainstream media, etc. Some people may truly like that. I remember an episode of Anger Management (charlie sheen’s show), where the older man in the therapy group was explaining that he loved Ads. One can take from this, expression of human behaviour, is that some of us are attracted to certain things.

My unconscious seems to pull me towards what is good for me and what lacks meaning to me personally. So this is a way of describing how some music I do not ‘feel lost in,’ and some make me feel like I’ve had to walk the plank into my own satisfying death.

In terms of music. Genres I would say I like are heavy metal, alternative, some forms of rnb and rap, classical and electronic. In electronic I believe happy hardcore, and chill hop, would be the correct subgenres, though I like quite a lot of subgenres on this list. In metal, I was of the nu-metal generation. So that is a heavy influence on my rock habits still to this day, though I delve nicely into some more of the wave that came after, metalcore. Most rock music I listen to is either categorised overall as Heavy Metal or Hard Rock.

To summarise all my music tastes into one word, it would be: progressive.

I like anything that has big highs and then low lows. Something that is very ‘strong’ sounding. Hence the like of both rap and metal, as they both are the same ‘walking to the edge’ of their genres. Though I love linguistics, so I prefer songs where I can hear the words so death metal is too far for me personally. I like to think words are beautiful. My favourite rap artist is Lupe Fiasco.

I think the happy hardcore album I owned was this (1, 2, 3, 4, 5), I remember the album was Bonkers and it was blue if I recall. I had it in my car when I was 17-18, so could have been a range of the compilations, but I think it was the blue one from recollection. I just remember there was one song I used to pound loudly with my friend when on schoolies.

My favourite instruments to listen to are violin, flute and double kick. All three are hard for your brain to keep up with, so it lulls my fast brain into a calm.

They can get thoroughly immersed in a book, or a movie, or in their own thoughts, and become somewhat oblivious to the outside world.

As one example, when I dance, I get totally lost. Like the music is wrapping around me. I am an exhibitionist, I like to be watched rather than danced with generally. I totally forget anyone else is there and just lose myself in the music.

For more info, that’s already described here: imdb.

High levels of openness are necessary for entrepreneurial success…

I have always considered myself an entrepreneur. I had a registered business in Australia in 2015 for one of my websites to see how the whole system worked. I also have one in Germany now, as a freelance sole-trader. Which is split into two arms, both involving my personal work endeavors.

 

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